The Digested Review

Section: Features Pages

Length:   113 words

Title: “Mr. Bigshot’s Latest Bestseller” by John Q. Bigshot

Reviewer: Greene W. Envy

Body:

I’m jealous.

I’m so much more talented than author John Q. Bigshot.  Yet he’s famous and making scads of money writing novels, and here I am, a far more brilliant writer, forced to review yet another horrid bestseller for my newspaper.  Why does the world read Michael Crichton and Thomas Harris and Stephen King and all the other talentless mega-authors?  Why do so many idiot readers love them? 

Why hasn’t the publishing world discovered me, instead? 

Until they do, I’ll just have to write these scathing reviews.  And aren’t I fabulous at it?  Is there anyone else who can sneer so convincingly?   

I’m jealous.

And I have a small penis, too.

 ————————

Writing is a profession in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. 

                                          –Jules Renard

(with hat tip to Linda McCabe)

8 replies
  1. NewMexicanAnn
    NewMexicanAnn says:

    Tess, in some former time of your life, didn’t you promise to “do no harm”? Hmmmmm? How harmful do you think it is when we laugh so hard our sides hurt, or we laugh so hard that we fall over? Hmmmmm?

    Hehehehe! Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!

  2. Patricia Wood
    Patricia Wood says:

    Oh my gosh!
    I have coffee shooting out my nose!
    (Sorry)
    This is GREAT!
    Are you SURE you’re not coming back to Maui? 🙁

  3. hkennedy
    hkennedy says:

    I love this! And I echo Pat’s comment and wish you were returning to teach in Maui this coming summer. Are you teaching anywhere else this year?

  4. ZanyMom
    ZanyMom says:

    LOL! So true! Gee, ya think these bestselling writers, while not literary geniuses, are able to write a compelling tale? I personally think they’re great story tellers, whether or not they’ll ever win any literary awards or not.

    It’s not always about the writing (well, to an extent it is), but keeping readers hooked until the end.

    Signed, a hopeful commercial fiction writer.

  5. ZanyMom
    ZanyMom says:

    Oh, and I hope you’re going back to the medical writers conference on Cape Cod this year, because I plan to go. 🙂

  6. SassyDevil
    SassyDevil says:

    What an entertaining post today! One of the authors on my MySpace friends list had a t-shirt as her profile pic that said something to the effect, “Careful or you might end up in my next novel.”

    Writing is so therapeutic.

    And I have a humongous penis!

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